One painful equation

What do you get when you add--

a wonder week + teething + sleep pattern changes + preparation for finals (both your own and your students') + the holiday season?

A recipe for exhaustion--that's what you get.  You also get a tornado of sleepiness. Crankiness. Coffee...lots of coffee.  

These weeks sure can test a person. They can make you feel as though you're clinically insane.  Sleep deprivation seems to be a norm.  

Since these weeks have come upon us, Kevin has: begun to crawl, sit up by himself, started to say "maaaam" more clearly, can feed himself Cheerios, has started getting at least 2 new teeth (one of which just came in Sunday), is trying to stand alone, and can pull himself into a standing position. 

One of the first days really crawling. 

He was on his belly when I went into the kitchen. I came out to this! 

Aaaaaah! Pulled himself into a standing position!

No wonder he's been so cranky lately! He's been physically and mentally developing soooo much! 

No real point to this post but to remind myself and everyone else that tough weeks are just that--one or two weeks in many weeks and days.  The weeks will eventually be over.  

What I wish I had known about motherhood

With so many websites, books, blogs, advice columns, and movies dedicated to parenthood/motherhood you'd think that this specific role would be easy to play---read a book/blog/watch some movies and you've got it under control, right?  Wrong!  Even with the luxuries that technology affords, I still didn't (and don't) know everything about babies, my baby, or being a mommy.  

With that in mind, here's what I've learned the hard way and wish I had known before I became a mommy! 

--Don't worry about being able to change newborn baby's diapers because those are easy. Challenging diaper changes begin when baby is mobile and can run away from you.  The "easy" diaper is on its way out from the moment baby can scoot. 

--Feeding a baby solid foods is challenging and will test you.  I remember seeing a movie where there was this beautiful moment when the mom was feeding the baby puréed food and thinking that looks like fun.  Uh, no, in reality baby will have no idea what you're doing, will fight you, and will, at some point, spit the food on you. 

--There's nothing more heartbreaking than hearing baby scream "maaaaam" when they are sleepy, lonely, hungry, or just want you. [This one happens to be the most rewarding though!]

--Although sleep is a precious commodity (think: rare and clear diamond precious), you'll sometimes (or often) stay up after baby is asleep to have alone time.  

-- Breastfed babies (because that's all I have experience with) eat. all. the.  time.  Like seriously. Newborn Kevin was nursing a minimum of 9 times in 24 hours.  Now, at 8 and 1/2 months, he still nurses 6-8 times a day...and that's with him eating, on average, 3 "meals" of solids a day. And feedings are not adult length mealtimes...sometimes they lasted 20 minutes when he was a newborn.  

Top 5 Ways Teething Sucks

My baby is an easy baby for all intents and purposes.  He doesn't really cry unless he's hungry or sleepy.   He is friendly, smiley, and laughs a deep belly laugh often.   Although he never has really slept through the night, he does sleep long enough stretches that it's ok and he naps pretty well.  

Teething, however, turns him into another animal.  When he got his two bottom teeth, it took one week for both to come out. Yes, he was cranky and didn't want to sleep or leave my arms for that week, but it was only one week.  

He still smiles when he's teething though!

Well, he's working on the top two teeth now and having more troubles.  So here's my homage to teething...

My Top 5 Ways Teething Sucks:

5) You can never keep the darned frozen teethers frozen. Even those that promise to stay cooler longer lie.

4) Babies become Drool Faucets--and they sometimes choke on their excessive drool. 

3) Everything and anything is popped into their mouths regardless of that item's normative function, price, cleanliness, or safety.  

2) Breastfeeding when a baby is teething just gives baby something else to grind their gums (and other teeth) on.   I'm sure it's great for them but bad on the nips.  

1) My baby now babbles "maamaa" and "maaaam"....which is heartbreaking when he's clearly in pain, exhausted, and has no idea what's happening to him. 

Here's to hoping these teeth come in quickly!! I hope they'll be cutting in the next couple days...!

1st Thanksgiving

This is my first Thanksgiving as a mom and I'm feeling very thankful! 

I'm so thankful that my little boy is so healthy and curious and funny and happy and sweet!  

He picked the book before all the other toys :)

I am thankful that I get to see this smile at least once a day:

I'm thankful that I've had no problems with breastfeeding (other than some common occurrences) and I've been able to breastfeed exclusively for over eight months.  

I'm thankful for having the chance to be a mommy when there's so many people out there struggling to conceive or have lost thief babies.  And I'm thankful that I recognize that I'm lucky because I feel thankful every day for my boy...not just on Thanksgiving. 

I'm thankful that I have all that I do because although it's not everything, it's enough for me.  I get to be at home a lot with Kevin, go to school, work with students, and follow my dreams.  

And most of all, I'm thankful that I get to spend my life being a mom and sharing every day with my dear Kevin and my whole family. =)

The Race is Not Always to the Swift

"Remind me each day that the race is not always to the swift; there is more to life than increasing its speed" 

I came across this quote and it speaks to me.  It is maybe something that I might not have always believed.  

I like to be busy--not being buried under a stack of work busy, but being busy enough to keep occupied and be able to go to bed feeling like I accomplished enough to be happy with the day busy. 

Since I graduated high school I've either been working and going to school or working all. the. time. Last fall, during my whole second trimester, I was going to school full time (taking 3 seminars for my Masters), working 40 hours a week at my day job, and tutoring for the RWS department at school 15 hours a week.  I was the unhappy kind of busy...but I did it. 

Me at Thanksgiving last year. 

I think about that time now and don't know how I did it.  (I think it had a lot to do with my blood pressure and other issues in the third trimester, but that's another post.) I do know that I couldn't and more importantly wouldn't do it now unless completely necessary (which it wasn't last Fall).  

Yes, I still have busy days because I am still tutoring 20ish hours a week and I am still working on my Masters and preparing for the teaching credential program (maybe) but my priorities have completely shifted. 

Now things can (and do) stop and wait for countless reasons.  If My Munchkin  needs me, he can have me for as long as he wants. If he wants to cuddle, my arms are open.  If he's hungry, I'll whip out the boob and put down the book or the stack of essays that need grading.  Housework, too, will wait until later. All that stuff will still be there but my baby won't be.  

Who could say no to that face??

These days life isn't about how fast or slow the days pass...it's about what may day is filled with.  

Life is about the number of cuddles I get.  It's about the new skills MM masters.  It's going to him when he's crying, picking him up, and hearing him say "ma ma." It's the little hugs in the morning and the smiles at bath time.  It's how fast that newly crawling baby can move.  It's kisses and hugs and the softness of baby skin. 

Life, when considered by the totality of these little moments, is absolutely beautiful and definitely not about going fast--it's about going slow and enjoying those little moments.  

This week, Thanksgiving week, whether you're a mom or not, slow down the speed a bit and enjoy the little moments of the beginning of the season. 

Babies know how to do it! They nap and take it easy all the time :) 

The Tragedy of Not Sleeping When Baby Sleeps

There's not much worse than being wide awake when your baby is (finally!!) sleeping soundly.  

This, I'm afraid, happens more times than I like to remember because when I think about it, I actually feel as if I am mourning the loss of the opportunity to sleep those moments (read: hours that feel like days). 

I should be ecstatic that I've become used to no sleep--like those doctors that are on 24 hour rotations but without the pay-- because I can now function well for at least a 19-20 hour day on a mere 4-5 hours of sleep but in truth, I'm heartbroken. 

Sleep (much like the nonexistent "me time") has become an elusive figment of both my imagination and my memory.  Imagination and memory works well together to get me on this one because I can remember the good old days when sleeping a full night was pretty much guaranteed if I wanted it and I spend the nights in the present time imagining what it would be like to sleep like I used to sleep.  

I've acquiesced with the fact that it will be a very long time until I can sleep like I used to.  Soon enough there'll be little feet that scurry into my bed to snuggle throughout the night and I'm sure there'll be bad dreams to chase away with my presence. 

I may never ever ever sleep like I used to, but you know what?  

I know that I can handle that because I'm a mom and that's what we do. We get ok with things that can limit what we do so that our babies are happy.  

    My Munchkin, wide awake at 12:30 (am) because he wanted to play and try to crawl.  

Mommycation

I love being a mommy and I love that I don't have a traditional 9-5 job and am so lucky to spend a great deal of time with my Munchkin. I love every bit of my life and mommyhood, even the not so wonderful things like sleep deprivation, teething (my least favorite thing ever!), and human body excrement to name a few...

One thing I do love is what I affectionately call the mommycation.  

A mommycation is the 10 minutes where you either:

A) pick something up from the grocery store by yourself (see picture lol). 

B) drive alone in your car to pick up Munchkin from your mom's house and can listen to whatever you want however loud you want to. 

C) a coveted special moment of rare and self indulgent pampering.

This last Wednesday, the stars aligned and I actually got to enjoy BOTH B and C. A miracle.  Absolutely a miracle!

I, as some may know, have a passion for loud (I mean LOUD) rap music.  I love to bump some 2Pac and Biggie and Nas and Eminem and Lil Wayne and Jay-Z in my car.  That passion, obviously, doesn't coincide well with a baby in the backseat.  On the days when I have an empty carseat, all bets are off.  

So, on Wednesday I got to get my hair done and I got to drive by myself to the salon and to school! 

A mommycation is usually so splendid and is rare that each moment is cherished like a little sparkling and wonderful diamond!  A moment to sit (alone) and decompress...priceless!

This mommycation was successful and will hold me over until my next mommycation....sometime in January! 

Before I Was a Mommy

This is going to be a reoccurring post, I'm sure, so these are just the tips of the iceberg! :)

     My Munchkin doing my reading! :)

Before I was a mommy, I could study. I'm not saying I loved loved it, but I could pick up a book or an essay (I'm getting my MA in English) without two little hands and 10 little fingers grabbing and squeezing the papers because they love the feeling of crisp pages.  

Before I was a mommy, I scoffed at those who would even consider spending $30 on a Boppy pillow.  I now have one for home and one at my mom's house. I definitely couldn't breastfeed without it!

Before I was a mommy 9:30 pm was just the start of a fun night. . . not anymore. Now 9:30 pm feels like midnight and I can barely keep my eyes open! Conversely, before I was a mommy, 3:30 am wasn't seen often....now I see it at least twice a week.  

 

An intro of sorts

So who am I and why did I make a "mommy blog?"

Well, I'm a mommy to a sweet little boy born March 20, 2013 and I've never been more in love with anyone in my whole entire life.  Like seriously, he's my world.

I started this blog, quite straightforwardly, because I love to write and motherhood is laden with plenty of writing material.  

I didn't start this blog to give props to my parenting style (although I'm sure it'll happen from time to time) or to convince or cajole anyone either.  I believe that moms all have the right to "mom" their way, so although I don't support every parenting style I support moms having a choice of what parenting style they choose.

A word about my "style," while we're on the subject.   I don't like to classify my style (and myself in other parts of my life) but for the sake of understanding what kind of a mom I am I will this once.

I am most closely related to the Attachment Parenting style and that parenting choice has definitely shaped the kind of mom I am.  So, the gist of AP-ing is that you do whatever you can to ensure that baby and mommy (daddy and caregivers, too) are able create a strong bond.

This, according to AP, is done many ways, but a couple of the ways that AP applies to babies are through breastfeeding (which I'm lucky enough to be able to do exclusively) or feeding lovingly with a lot of skin connection, responding to baby's cries or cues quickly and respectfully (so baby knows they can always count on you), limit amount of formal "sleep training" for baby, and reconsider sleeping arrangements.   This, of course is a very condensed version of the AP style, but if you're interested in learning more about the principles of AP check out their website: http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/intro.php.

At the end of the day, I am a mommy who loves her baby boy and although I am excited to see him grow, I love the scenery of where we are now and that's what I'm going to enjoy.

So, as they say, buckle up and keep your hands and arms inside this wild ride! Let's enjoy it together!